Between a struggle and living


I was thinking the headline of my topic for a while and decided to stick with this one.
I haven’t published my post with three awards I have been nominated for just because headline says it all. I hope I will post that somewhen later, but anyway thank’s for nominations.

While not posting everyday or even once in a week doesn’t mean that my intentions have changed, it means that I have been thinking a lot. Especially last two weeks while I’m struggling with some kind of panic attack. I got accustomed with these attacks, but this one seems longer than those before and it makes me feel as a crap.
I decided to take a private lessons and help those kids to understand school subjects better, but now I have lost myself and belief in myself. No need to say that I have stopped taking lessons.

I started to feel sick on one evening and thought it’s just a cold, will sleep and everything will be okey, but no.. It’s hard to watch on food especially after I have had a meal, just because I’m human and I can be sometimes hungry, too. After that I cannot watch on food and enjoy social life, just because I’m afraid of myself and worried I could fall to the ground from sickness.. If You will type in google “emetophobia” then You will understand..
I think it’s all because of stress, but otherwise I don’t know what happens. I don’t feel like me, but hopefully healing massages will help me to find my way through these obstacles. I have a lot to do for others and need to help them and don’t want to stop this right now.

What’s the point of this topic? This is just a topic of my thoughts and conclusions. And the conclusion is that You should try to understand especially Your loved ones whenever they say they feel bad. You should say to him/her that everything will be more than OK, even if You are not sure, but he or she should not see doubts in Your eyes. It’s right time to turn to Your loved ones and say You truly love them, because You don’t know what will be tommorow. It’s not a shame to die tommorow, it’s a shame to die and understand You haven’t done all You could for Your loved ones. I wish I had enough power to do my best for others. But need to continue.. to believe.. again.


Peace and love..


  1. My heart goes out to you. I feel called to shared that as a whole, we have been processing some challenging energies over the past few days – that I hope are starting to lighten up for you. I, too, have experienced some feelings of ‘free-fall’ where I feel disconnected in some way. This too shall pass – don’t blame yourself. You will be included in my prayers. Others going through the same thing need to know they are not alone, so you are offering something important by sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh, this is probably an important post – because you are being brave an honest. I beleive in you. I’m sure others do. Please don’t be hard on yourself – you’ve come through so much more than some people have. You will go in to help people – help comes and is shown in many different ways.

    Be kind to you. Go slowly. I have faith in you .


    1. Thank You, Cheryl, for Your comment here. I understand that no one will actually ever understand what I’m going through, but anyway it’s so kind of You because of those sweet words and great attitude. God bless You! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Panic attacks are awful. Wish you the strenght to get through, until you discover yourself again and those scenes will be nothing more than memories of a bad dream.


    1. Hi, lyart! I wish the strenght for You as well. Whatever You are into nowadays, wish You to don’t stop and believe Yourself. Best wishes and keep going! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you so much for this post! I had never heard of emetophobia. But I HAVE got through Agoraphobia and post natal depression and I STILL get panic attacks now and again. Out of the blue. When I’m in the middle of one, I remind myself that this is the worst I’m ever going to feel. To wait it through. To float in the fear. To bob like a cork in water. To remind myself that corks re not destroyed by the water of fear. You have my love.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi, Elizabeth!
      I have heard about Agoraphobia and I’m petty sure You have enough strenght to get through these panic attacks and other obstacles. I think those who face several obstacles are stronger than those who haven’t faced..
      God bless You and thank’s for those kind words! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I can’t even thank You with right words just because I appreciate it so much. I hope one day I will be back on the track.. Lots of love.. 🙂


  5. You are being brave and honest. It is my prayer you will get through this moment in time. Please don’t be hard on yourself. I am sure if you have ever flown you have heard the flight attendant say “Please put on your oxygen mask before helping others”. Let me say, as a therapist, that advice applies to life as well. I also love your statement about being there for your loved ones. I have learned that sitting with someone in silence can tell a better story than one with words sometimes.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hello, it’s hard to response to comment like this.. just because heart want to say so much, but.. You actually can’t explain those feelings. Sometimes silence is worthwhile.
      I haven’t flown, but I think I know what You mean. I really hope to be on the track one day once again. Thank You for Your loveliness.. sending warm wishes. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. It takes courage to write about such things…but even more courage to live life in spite of them. You show great strength, even if you, yourself, cannot see it 🙂

    Invisible illnesses, as some call these conditions, have their own, unique, set of problems. Just by their very nature…that the symptoms are not obvious…can make the sufferer feel so very alone. Just remember though, Uldiz…INVISIBLE illnesses are not obvious, to not only those who don’t suffer, but also to others who may be going through the same thing!

    I wish you strength, dignity and, above all, the ongoing support of those for whom your sharing this has made a difference.

    And thank you for visiting The Old Fossil Writes 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Wow! God bless you for sharing this. My heart goes out to you, I pray for healing over what you may be going through. Thank you so much for reminding us that we should always let our loved ones know how much we love them

    Liked by 1 person

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