It’s not so long time ago when I posted my first blog post here, but the aim of this blog is to show you what I went through and how I live now. As you probably noticed from the headline – the story will be about anorexia.
I guess everyone is heard at least once what is anorexia about. If no, then I will explain. Typical explanation would be: anorexia is an eating disorder characterized by a low weight, fear of gaining weight, a strong desire to be thin, and food restriction. Anyway, I had nothing about fear of gaining weight or strong desire of being thin. Nothing like that. It would be awesome if I could get some weight, but it didn’t happen. Actually it was fear of vomiting. That would be the best explanation in this case. In the very beginning I was just afraid, but later – it was not possible for me to eat anything. I did not want to eat not even of fears but there was not physiologic willingness. Maybe that’s why I was the first person in doctors life with these symptoms.. just because I had not common features. That’s why I felt so alone in whole world. I started to lose weight and at my lowest point I weighted only 30 kg which was amazingly low weight and at any time I could die.
There were very many days when I woke up and saw that I’m in hospital, but was dreaming that I’m at home. That was disappointment. I was really depressed and I had suicidal thoughts and was ready at any time make that one. I hoped that there would appear a person who would say: hei, you are really necessary in this world. In the very beginning it didn’t happen at all.. and next 8 months as well. I was so alone. I felt that way. Doctors tried to do something, but I think that was not the main reason I survived. Doctors did not expect for me to survive because the way I was going all those 8 months.. They warned me: Uldis, you could die at any single moment.. and it was okei for me, just because I felt alone and did not see the aim to live anymore. I was depressed all those 8 months.. every single hour was the same as all others.
Then came Christmas.. when wonders happen. My class teacher organised all class to write me the letter, felicitation wishing me happy Christmas. That was really cute but there was one person’s text that touched my heart. I would like to quote that one: “Uldis, wish you merry Christmas, good health, and progress, and we all wait you back at school, buddy.” The author was a girl – Sintija. The girl, who was not included in my classmate list as I noticed it later. I have seen her for a week at class 8th. That’s truly amazing how cute and friendly could be the person even knows you for a week. That mysterious girl appeared there and motivated me. She was the main reason I survived. I haven’t met her yet even tried to find here to say big “thank you”. Sintija, if You ever read this, I wanna say that You are my savior, the person who changed me as a person and set a motivation for me. After Your message in Christmas letter I decided to change my life, not to give up just because really wanted to leave a hospital, meet You and say “thank You”. As a result, after 1 month I left hospital as motivated and maybe the most progressive human in hospital’s history. In one month I gain enough weight to leave the hospital and continue recovery process at home. The recovery process was tough and hard… even I did not return that year at school.. next year I joined another class and continued there. Just because of you, Sintija, I reached an aim to graduate the school with average mark more that 9.. I finished with 9.4 from 10. In that moment, I was so happy, that satisfaction was amazing. That satisfaction was about You, Sintija. You helped me to reach that.
Now I’m studying at university and sometimes I feel depressed just because it’s hard there, hard to find people around me that would deserve my attention, have the same point of view about life. Sometimes I feel alone again, but now You are in my heart, Sintija. You fill my heart full of love even if I’m only thinking about your amazing attitude. There have been many tough moments after faced anorexia, but You helped me to find my way through these obstacles. If you ever read this, please, text me. I don’t ask anything more in life (except lovely family later in life) – just text me, however – take care cutie and You deserve full respect from me. ❤
Wanna say big thank’s to other few persons who supported me in the way they could. 🙂
It’s possible to win any battle if You have enough strong motivation and right people around. I wish to find the best motivation for everyone.